There are so many things I think about that I want to blog about as I am driving down the road, and then I finally get a chance to sit down and type, and I am not sure what to say. So much is changing and challenging me. I went to a baby shower today for my friend Kathryn, she is expecting her first. As I approach the bid 5-0 in April do I wish I could go back again to when I was in her shoes? Yes.. and no. Mostly no. I loved raising my children, they are my joy. I would love to cuddle my babies again and view their firsts again. Maybe treasure the things I was too tired to enjoy, but those were tough days with Don and me. Oh how stressful my life was. I also suffered greatly with depression for most of my life. Now that I have been healed I would not choose to live it again.
Getting older has some advantages. There is an inner peace I have that comes from walking with Jesus through all my troubles. I have found God to always be faithful. In fact as I was driving to work yesterday that was the conversation I had with God. I was thanking Him that He has always been faithful. All the times in my life that I felt so alone, and isolated He was always with me.Those nights I cried myself to sleep I could just pour my heart out to Him and He poured His love into me. There is nothing like being loved by God. Or should I say there is nothing like knowing God, because he loves each of us, but without that relationship with Him you don't know His love. Yes there were times that I wished He would manifest Himself in the flesh to me so I could place my head on His shoulder and hear His words to me. But He chose instead to whisper His words into my heart. He gave me strength to go another day and lead me down the road to get to where I am today. Have I arrived? Not even close. But I do have a deep trust of God that has come only from going through all the trials that I have lived through and seeing him always faithful. To know God's love, is to truly know love.
Sometimes I feel like my life has gotten too busy for me and God. I love teaching, when I connect with my students I feel I have a reason to be there. But overall teaching has taken over my life. I spend so many hours in the process of planning, grading papers, organizing materials that there is little time left fro anything else. I used to be a creative person, I wrote the children's Christmas plays at my church for year. But that was before teaching. Starting with Pampered Chef has breathed new life into me and I am hoping that it will bring back my creativity. My first show tomorrow may not have many people come to it (as of now I only know of one). But I really think this a path God is leading me down, at least I hope so. I have decided I want to do something different with my tithe from this job. I have two missionaries that I am thinking of supporting. In the past I supported Jeremy and Angie Perigo but this year I did not send in my support card. Mainly because the support for them is supposed to be above your tithe and I was not able to do that last year, I made it part of my tithe. The other person is Jon Swenson. I don't know what it is about him but he draws my attention, and I would like to support him too. I think it will be cool to just split this tithe between them, which in a different way is over and above my regular tithe. In a wierd way I think that my new consultant job will give me more time with family and friends in the long run. For this "season" I may be overly busy, but if I do well, I can stop tutoring, and working study hall, and summer school. Doing that could breathe a little more life back into teaching again too. But calling people and setting up parties, and then doing the parties is going to help me to connect with adults again. Hopefully I will make some friends along the way. As for today, I am choosing to no longer look back with regrets, rather I look forward to the new adventures ahead. I am going to work this job the best I am able and leave the rest in my Savior's hands.
ps: Here is a Youtube video of the one of my favorite worship songs. Hope it touches your heart like it does mine. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrZi8hK_XAo
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Baby steps.
Well its been a week since I was able to blog and the things that have happened...or not. Lets start with my diet. Did I go raw this past week? Somewhat. Yea I did try to eat raw, but as eating raw takes planning and preparing ahead of time (if you want to eat something other than salad that is) I ended up snacking on some junk like food too. But this week I went to the stores that sell the raw nuts I need and have the organic veggies you can't get every where so I would have the supplies I need. Today I had off from school and the TV has stayed off all day (except when Lorelai watched a Veggie Tales video), so I have been pretty productive. I made a raw Marinara sauce to have with my zucchini this week. I also made a vanilla creme sauce to have on fruit for when I am needing some sweet. I also made a raw ranch recipe that has no dairy to have with cut up veggies or salad. I am soaking my sunflower seeds and almonds so I can make my "not tuna pate" to eat with my salad at lunch. And I made coleslaw yesterday. So I will be eating well the next 5 days. As raw food has no preservatives it only stays for 3 to 5 days. I need to get on a rotation of making meals so that I don't waste food but have a variety too. Now I just have to stick with my commitment to get healthy. I signed up for the Biggest Loser at work, and I know if I stick this out I have the potential to win. (Yea!) But for some reason even though I am very competitive in some things weight loss has too much negative history for me. So no matter what the scale says I am not going to let a good or a bad weigh in pull me down, I am in this for the long haul. I want my 50th year to be the year I got my weight down and got healthy.
Well I did it. I signed up to sell the kitchen items at home parties. I was so excited, then the next day I just panicked. What if I can't get people to book a party with me. What if I have a party and nobody comes. (yes that has happened to me). Sometimes my inner shyness just comes out, but I am stepping out. I will ask friends, acquaintances, and strangers to have a party for me. I will make it fun so people will want to do it again. I will go to the meetings ( I hate meetings) so I can get excited about the products. I will go all in. Don and I need to be able to save for a car (once we get our ends to meet).
I am looking forward to the parties...its just getting bold enough to ask someone to book the party. That's where I will start. If I was back home in CT this would not be a problem because I have a lot of family and friends there that would be willing to help me out. Here I have friends, but not really. The people I work with I am friendly with so they are friends, but we don't hang together after work so not really. You know what I mean. But one of the reasons I took this job was to get to know people better and make some friends. A good way to start that is to open my house for a party and see who will come. I originally thought I would just have the party at work, but to me I think it would be nicer to have it at home.
I hope that you are challenging yourself to change or improve an area in your life this year too. If you are keep at it. Small and steady can mean success for the long haul. I pray that you will keep on trying, never give up! Keep me in prayer as I take this leap of faith and put myself out there:)
P.S. I love to hear from you. Your encouragement really is helping me on this journey. Although I need to do this on my own, its nice to know I am not alone.
Well I did it. I signed up to sell the kitchen items at home parties. I was so excited, then the next day I just panicked. What if I can't get people to book a party with me. What if I have a party and nobody comes. (yes that has happened to me). Sometimes my inner shyness just comes out, but I am stepping out. I will ask friends, acquaintances, and strangers to have a party for me. I will make it fun so people will want to do it again. I will go to the meetings ( I hate meetings) so I can get excited about the products. I will go all in. Don and I need to be able to save for a car (once we get our ends to meet).
I am looking forward to the parties...its just getting bold enough to ask someone to book the party. That's where I will start. If I was back home in CT this would not be a problem because I have a lot of family and friends there that would be willing to help me out. Here I have friends, but not really. The people I work with I am friendly with so they are friends, but we don't hang together after work so not really. You know what I mean. But one of the reasons I took this job was to get to know people better and make some friends. A good way to start that is to open my house for a party and see who will come. I originally thought I would just have the party at work, but to me I think it would be nicer to have it at home.
I hope that you are challenging yourself to change or improve an area in your life this year too. If you are keep at it. Small and steady can mean success for the long haul. I pray that you will keep on trying, never give up! Keep me in prayer as I take this leap of faith and put myself out there:)
P.S. I love to hear from you. Your encouragement really is helping me on this journey. Although I need to do this on my own, its nice to know I am not alone.
Monday, January 9, 2012
The first steps.
The first thing I want to say is thanks for the love and support of my family and friends. Writing a blog is a way to help me process this journey and hopefully encourage someone else along the way. Before I decided to blog I really gave it some thought because for this to work I have to be honest. Honest with myself and with you. But I believe victory comes with transparency so this is the road I am choosing. As I shared this journey is not just about weight loss but it is about finding the me inside that I have lost along the way. I have found myself thinking about people and thinking I should have them over etc... but I just can't do it. Don and I are really a boring couple. Lol. But we are. I know I can make a good meal but after that I feel like there is nothing to offer. I don't want to just sit around and watch tv but that is what we usually do. I have made a break through lately. Our Thursday night Life-group recently had a Christmas party and at the party we played games. It was a lot of fun and Don said he enjoyed himself. So I got Hubby to agree to be willing to play games with the family more often. So on Christmas we got the game Apples to Apples and we played it all day. It was a lot of fun. So its a start.
Like many people today Don and I are struggling to make ends meet. We have cancelled our home phone. I know for many of you, you think what's the big deal? But I am old school and I like having a home phone. I'm over it so no sympathy needed. We are thinking of getting second jobs. Don may be working at one of those big stores that sell tools and lawnmowers etc... I am seriously thinking of selling kitchen items, by doing those home parties. (Oh I know without saying the names you probably know what I mean). We are hoping that this way instead of taking money out of savings each month we can finally put some money back in the bank. Don is going to need a car soon and if we don't save for one its not going to happen.
Now I have been thinking about selling this home stuff for years because I love it!! I do. But teaching so overwhelms my life that I never have any time. So things I think about: Can I really be better with planning etc... to have the time to do another job? Do I know of anyone that will even host a party for me? Will I be good at it? Yes I love the product, come see my kitchen, its true. I talk with kids all the time but I am a little wigged out about having parties for adults. I know deep down if I can get through the organizational stuff I think I can be good at this, but I am very shy and hate calling people. THAT is something I will have to get over because you have to call up the person having the party and keep the enthusiasm for having the party up..thats so not me. (I could use your help there Leenie...wish you were here). But then I keep saying I want to change. Since moving to Virginia I feel I am almost hermit like. I know I need to push myself but I don't want to go the wrong direction and fail again. (See the ping-pong game that is going on in my head?) Yea, scary...but I know some of you have it going on too so its ok. Thats why some of you get me. But I digress. Back to the job, I think I am going to step out in faith and try it. I have actually prayed on it (only this morning, but it still counts) but I feel peace. I am sure it will stress me, but anything that makes you grow usually does. I am hoping that it will help with my goal of getting more social and making friends, as well as helping to relieve our finances. I still have to look into the expenses of this, but I asked a friend who used to sell this and she said she made good money with only doing 2-3 parties a month. So I am game. Feel free to weigh in with your thoughts on this.
By the way the food was pretty good today. Almost all raw. Had my shake today, salad for lunch with sunflower seeds. I snacked on a little natural peanut butter. Dinner was homemade guacalmole with chips. I usually prefer skipping the chips and having my guac. on lettuce (yum). But lately lettuce has been very bitter tasting all by itself. I wonder if its the season...not sure, so I went with the chips. I did cheat and have a small bag of potato chips on the way home from the store. I am starting with Biggest Loser at work on Wednesday, and I am still getting (white)sugar out of my system so I let myself have them. Well thats me....at least for today. Hope you have Jesus in your journey he makes the trip worthwhile.
Like many people today Don and I are struggling to make ends meet. We have cancelled our home phone. I know for many of you, you think what's the big deal? But I am old school and I like having a home phone. I'm over it so no sympathy needed. We are thinking of getting second jobs. Don may be working at one of those big stores that sell tools and lawnmowers etc... I am seriously thinking of selling kitchen items, by doing those home parties. (Oh I know without saying the names you probably know what I mean). We are hoping that this way instead of taking money out of savings each month we can finally put some money back in the bank. Don is going to need a car soon and if we don't save for one its not going to happen.
Now I have been thinking about selling this home stuff for years because I love it!! I do. But teaching so overwhelms my life that I never have any time. So things I think about: Can I really be better with planning etc... to have the time to do another job? Do I know of anyone that will even host a party for me? Will I be good at it? Yes I love the product, come see my kitchen, its true. I talk with kids all the time but I am a little wigged out about having parties for adults. I know deep down if I can get through the organizational stuff I think I can be good at this, but I am very shy and hate calling people. THAT is something I will have to get over because you have to call up the person having the party and keep the enthusiasm for having the party up..thats so not me. (I could use your help there Leenie...wish you were here). But then I keep saying I want to change. Since moving to Virginia I feel I am almost hermit like. I know I need to push myself but I don't want to go the wrong direction and fail again. (See the ping-pong game that is going on in my head?) Yea, scary...but I know some of you have it going on too so its ok. Thats why some of you get me. But I digress. Back to the job, I think I am going to step out in faith and try it. I have actually prayed on it (only this morning, but it still counts) but I feel peace. I am sure it will stress me, but anything that makes you grow usually does. I am hoping that it will help with my goal of getting more social and making friends, as well as helping to relieve our finances. I still have to look into the expenses of this, but I asked a friend who used to sell this and she said she made good money with only doing 2-3 parties a month. So I am game. Feel free to weigh in with your thoughts on this.
By the way the food was pretty good today. Almost all raw. Had my shake today, salad for lunch with sunflower seeds. I snacked on a little natural peanut butter. Dinner was homemade guacalmole with chips. I usually prefer skipping the chips and having my guac. on lettuce (yum). But lately lettuce has been very bitter tasting all by itself. I wonder if its the season...not sure, so I went with the chips. I did cheat and have a small bag of potato chips on the way home from the store. I am starting with Biggest Loser at work on Wednesday, and I am still getting (white)sugar out of my system so I let myself have them. Well thats me....at least for today. Hope you have Jesus in your journey he makes the trip worthwhile.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
First day of the rest of....
This is me. I am an almost 50 year old woman who weighs over 300 lbs. I am a born again believer in Jesus Christ.
I was going to make this blog about my weightloss journey, but it is really about so much more. How did I get to where I am today? I am a wife, a mother of two girls and a step-mom to one son. I have two granddaughters. I am a late in life teacher. But somewhere along the way I have gotten lost. I am lost in the business of life, but I really don't live. I don't experience. I think back to my highschool days and afterwards, I always had friends to hang with people to talk with but as the years progress got more and more isolated. Yes there are a lot of things that have broken me down over the years, but this blog is not about that, this blog is about changing the things in my life I don't like. Learning to change my actions to become the person inside of me I have lost. So how do I do that? I am not quite sure.
The first thing I am tackling is my weight. I do not want to be 50 and over 300 lbs. I am starting a raw diet. My goal is to eat about 85 to 95 percent raw foods. I had started to do this in the fall and had great success (the first time in years) but I allowed the holidays to get the best of me and I gained most of my weight back. Now if any of you are raw foodist, I am sorry I am not really into the "lifestyle". I want to eat healthy etc... but as money is very tight, I do not have a dehydrator or a juicer. So I can only do so much. One thing I do have a is a good blender. Each day I make a big smoothie that I drink throughout the day. Usually I put in a little OJ, 2-3cups of greens, a frozen banana, a serving of frozen strawberries and 2-3 cups of water.
There is no recipe, you just put things in to taste. Honestly in the beginning I started with a cup of greens and over time I have added more. I tend to like my drink thinner so I keep adding water until I have a consistency I like. But now I am up to 2-3 cups of greens with my fruit. I know it does not sound good, but honestly you mainly taste the fruit. My greens vary but my favorite is kale. My sister says she will never put that ---- in her smoothie, but it is sooo good for you and gives me energy. Other greens I use are collards, dandelions, spring greens. A good book to read about this is Green Smoothie Revolution by Victoria Boutenko.
So I have part of my diet down. The smoothie is my breakfast and afternoon snack. For lunch I usually have a salad. As a teacher I have about 25 minutes for lunch but it usually takes me longer to eat my salad so my 4th bell is used to seeing me eat it in class. No its not that the salad is that big, did I forget to mention I had a lap band a couple years ago? Well I did. So it takes a while to eat and you have to eat slowly if not the food gets stuck, and you will throw it up. So It takes me an hour to eat my small salad. Dinner is where I struggle. I hope to do better planning this week otherwise this will be my downfall. Now as I said I want to go about 85% raw or more so I do allow some cheats. I use bottled dressing, as I have not found any raw recipes that I like yet. I try to do organic dressings but I still like my favorite italian dressing. I am taking the raw a step at a time. You will see I have some "cheats" that real raw foodists would disapprove of, but right now I am trying to get healthy with limited time and funds so I am doing my best. I am not sure that there is anyone out there that will be reading my blog but I feel better just sharing my journey. I am hoping this will make me more accountable so that I will stick with this journey and stop just watching life go by.
Goals for the journey:
1. Lose weight
2. Get active
3. Make friends for me and couple friends for hubby and me.
4. Step outside my comfort zone and try new things.
I think I missed the mark with the above list as I should have started with reading my bible and praying daily. The book of Matthew says "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."
I want to put God first in my life and I know that He will help me get the other items on my list. This blog and you are one of the ways he is helping me to change.
Hope you join me on this journey. I can't do it alone.
I was going to make this blog about my weightloss journey, but it is really about so much more. How did I get to where I am today? I am a wife, a mother of two girls and a step-mom to one son. I have two granddaughters. I am a late in life teacher. But somewhere along the way I have gotten lost. I am lost in the business of life, but I really don't live. I don't experience. I think back to my highschool days and afterwards, I always had friends to hang with people to talk with but as the years progress got more and more isolated. Yes there are a lot of things that have broken me down over the years, but this blog is not about that, this blog is about changing the things in my life I don't like. Learning to change my actions to become the person inside of me I have lost. So how do I do that? I am not quite sure.
The first thing I am tackling is my weight. I do not want to be 50 and over 300 lbs. I am starting a raw diet. My goal is to eat about 85 to 95 percent raw foods. I had started to do this in the fall and had great success (the first time in years) but I allowed the holidays to get the best of me and I gained most of my weight back. Now if any of you are raw foodist, I am sorry I am not really into the "lifestyle". I want to eat healthy etc... but as money is very tight, I do not have a dehydrator or a juicer. So I can only do so much. One thing I do have a is a good blender. Each day I make a big smoothie that I drink throughout the day. Usually I put in a little OJ, 2-3cups of greens, a frozen banana, a serving of frozen strawberries and 2-3 cups of water.
There is no recipe, you just put things in to taste. Honestly in the beginning I started with a cup of greens and over time I have added more. I tend to like my drink thinner so I keep adding water until I have a consistency I like. But now I am up to 2-3 cups of greens with my fruit. I know it does not sound good, but honestly you mainly taste the fruit. My greens vary but my favorite is kale. My sister says she will never put that ---- in her smoothie, but it is sooo good for you and gives me energy. Other greens I use are collards, dandelions, spring greens. A good book to read about this is Green Smoothie Revolution by Victoria Boutenko.
So I have part of my diet down. The smoothie is my breakfast and afternoon snack. For lunch I usually have a salad. As a teacher I have about 25 minutes for lunch but it usually takes me longer to eat my salad so my 4th bell is used to seeing me eat it in class. No its not that the salad is that big, did I forget to mention I had a lap band a couple years ago? Well I did. So it takes a while to eat and you have to eat slowly if not the food gets stuck, and you will throw it up. So It takes me an hour to eat my small salad. Dinner is where I struggle. I hope to do better planning this week otherwise this will be my downfall. Now as I said I want to go about 85% raw or more so I do allow some cheats. I use bottled dressing, as I have not found any raw recipes that I like yet. I try to do organic dressings but I still like my favorite italian dressing. I am taking the raw a step at a time. You will see I have some "cheats" that real raw foodists would disapprove of, but right now I am trying to get healthy with limited time and funds so I am doing my best. I am not sure that there is anyone out there that will be reading my blog but I feel better just sharing my journey. I am hoping this will make me more accountable so that I will stick with this journey and stop just watching life go by.
Goals for the journey:
1. Lose weight
2. Get active
3. Make friends for me and couple friends for hubby and me.
4. Step outside my comfort zone and try new things.
I think I missed the mark with the above list as I should have started with reading my bible and praying daily. The book of Matthew says "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."
I want to put God first in my life and I know that He will help me get the other items on my list. This blog and you are one of the ways he is helping me to change.
Hope you join me on this journey. I can't do it alone.
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