God has not forgotten.

Last night at church my pastor, Dan Backens, was teaching on worship using the first chapter of Revelation. Revelation is first and foremost a revealing of Christ to us. When Jesus is revealed the prime reaction is worship. Look throughout revelation and its true. Its all about people who see Jesus for who he is just falling in worship. So do I every time I think of Jesus just want to fall down and worship? Often, yes. But always? No. Not because of who He is but because of where I am. When I am knee deep in my problems thinking about and being over whelmed by my responsibilities at home and especially my job I forget who Jesus really is, I don't look at the revealed Jesus I see only a small god and LARGE problems. Am I the only one out there that feels this at times? I don't think so. So back to service last night; Pastor Dan was sharing about John being on the Island of Patmos. An Island that mainly had criminals on it and few Roman guards. Though John was imprisoned/exiled to Patmos he did not allow it to hold him down. He knew God and he worshiped. The word says" I, John, your brother and companion in the suffering and kingdom and patient endurance that are ours in Jesus, was on the island of Patmos because of the word of God and the testimony of Jesus. On the Lord's Day I was in the Spirit..." (Revelation 1:9-10 NIV) John was worshiping God and was in the Spirit: meaning he was in God's presence. You see the world said to John, you are done. Your ministry is done. You are going to die here on this Island. But God is not the world. God has the final word and in this exiled state that John was in God came and revealed himself to John. God knew this was not the end of John's ministry. God saw John on this exiled Island and revealed Himself to John. The only description we have of Jesus is this one in Revelation. (I had never ever thought about that before, but think about it; the gospels do not describe Jesus at all. We are only meant to see Jesus in His glorified state.) John continues and says that when he saw Jesus he fell down as though dead, but "Then He placed His right hand on me and said, 'Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I and the Living One. I was dead and now look, I am alive for ever and ever!..'" (Revelation 1:18 NIV) Not only did Jesus reveal Himself to John, He touched him. There were many other points in this teaching last night but this is what I moved me. Whatever my Patmos is Jesus knows. He showed up where John was and He will do the same for me and for you. How do I know? Because God touched me last night so much so I cannot write about this without tears of worship. I wasn't thinking I even had Patmos type issues and then God touched me. He did. Its like as I was sitting in my seat trying to pay attention to the sermon then I had God's hand on my shoulder telling me He has not forgotten me. He will fulfill His promises to me. When Jesus looks at me with His flames of fire He knows all my thoughts both good and bad. He also knows all my dreams and hopes. He does not look away from me but he holds my gaze and says He will bring the things into fruition that He has placed on my heart. In August God gave me a promise. A promise that seems impossible to me at times. I have been praying for a few things for many, many years. God knows the cry of my heart. He has seen my tears. So this August there was an evangelist at church and he was praying over people for healing. I had recently fallen on my left knee and hurt it and it was not getting better, and my right knee had been weak for many years. Going up stairs was always difficult for me and I usually did it one stair at a time using my left knee. But now with that one injured I was having a really tough time going upstairs. The doctor diagnosed me with arthritis in my knee. So I was in line to get healing in my knee. But God had something greater in mind. As I was standing in line watching the evangelist pray God put in me a faith to believe. The evangelist spent a lot of time with each person. I really enjoyed watching him minster to each person, really talking with them. I think he not only ministered to the thing that needed healing he was ministering to their hearts too. So after a few hours it was my time for prayer. And as he prayed for me he removed his microphone and took me to the side and whispered something that God shared with him about me. He let me know that God had a greater healing in mind for me and that he was going to heal my knees that evening so I would have the faith to believe for this other thing that will happen in the next year or so. Then he put his microphone back on and prayed for my knees. The knees I could not go up and down stairs with, without heavily using the hand rail were now healed. I went up and down the stairs in the sanctuary with no pain. I showed the Pastor the next week during Friday morning prayer. I sent videos of myself going up and down the stairs to my daughters, because they would know what a miracle this was. I was excited to believe for the rest of my miracle. But life has a way of beating us down at times and lately when I was think of the rest of my miracle to come I have downsized it. Made it more doable in my head. But that is not what God promised. His promise to me was BIG! His promise to me was LIFE CHANGING! But I got my eyes off of Jesus and onto my life and problems and forgot that He has the final say. I forgot that God knows my Patmos but he reminds me He will have the final say. God's promises to me are yea and Amen. He is going to transform me the way He promised me. God sees me. The God of the universe sees me and has taken the time to touch me where I was last night in service to remind me that He has not forgotten His promises to me. And so I fall down and worship my God and my Savior. Not because of this promise but because of His great love for me. You see we all have areas that we feel abandoned and alone in. We all have a Patmos. But we need to stop making our problems greater than God. We need to be like John and don't allow the circumstance to have the final say. Worship God, seek Jesus. God has not forgotten you, He is reaching out to you right now.

Letter to my Family and Friends

Its been a long time since I wrote on this particular blog. I have my math blog, but this one is more personal. It is about my journey, my beliefs and my walk with God. So here goes: Dear Friends and Family, I just wanted to tell you how much I love and care about you. My personality and inherent shyness does not allow me to often show you that side. Not unless you have cracked down my outer shell of shyness will you see this part of me. Most people don't realize how awkward I feel in new social situations. I'm great with naturally outgoing people because they can carry the bulk of steering the conversation, asking questions etc... But me I struggle with that stuff. I would love to get to know my aunts, uncles, cousins better but living far away I have little opportunity to interact with them. I am not one to call people, I never have been. I remember a friend in high school telling me that people thought I was stuck-up because I did not say hi to them in the hallway. Which was funny because if I was walking down the hall with a friend I usually assumed people were saying hi to them and not me. Now my self esteem is not low as it was in high school, but there was also a shyness that drove me which is still part of who I am. I don't know what to talk about with people I barely know. I even have trouble on Twitter when people respond to me. Until I feel really comfortable with someone I don't know how to talk to them comfortably. It's okay. I am at peace with myself about this, so please don't respond with fixes. For me the fix was realizing how I felt. So to my extended family somethings I would like to share with you: I pray for you all the time. I pray that you will encounter a close relationship with Jesus and know him personally. There was a song my brother sang at my wedding called "I wish you Jesus" and it is really my heart. It says: when I wish you Jesus, I wish you everything. And that is so true. I was always a kid that wanted to go to church. When my parents were away I made my sister bring me to church even if she was not going to go in with me. I always talked with God naturally. There was just something inside of me that loved God. But it was not until I was 19 years old did I encounter God in a real way. Back then my brother knew the Lord in a personal way. He was always trying to talk to me about God but I wouldn't listen. No he didn't go to church like I did when we were younger, and he was much wilder than I'd ever been. Who was he to talk to me about God? (or so I thought.) But he invited me to a bible study group at his home. I went and really enjoyed it. When my brother Mike taught about Jesus I sow something different in him. I wanted what he had. Kathy and Mike explained the difference of knowing about God and knowing God. That God wanted to have a relationship with me. So right there in their living room I turned my life over to Jesus. I was born-again. My life changed at that moment. I have never been the same since. This encounter with God changed me. For a few years I went through some extremes, going to churches seeking God, to drinking and partying too much. I did a lot of things in those years I regret to this day. I hurt others and scarred my own heart deeply. But God....but God...those are my favorite words but God was not done with me. Every person has heartaches, joys, grief, laughter, pain, blessings in their life. But God has used every one of those situations in my life to change me, to heal me to bring me to who I am today. Being alone in many situations has made me learn to hold onto God. It has made me go deep to find what I believe. But not everyone has to go that route. I see that many of my family members are really close to each other. They have each other to lean on. That is great. But God would love for you all to lean into Him together. He doesn't need our money or our possessions. He just wants us. If you splash a little love in God's direction you will encounter a flood of His love in yours. God has written this family on my heart. He has asked me to pray and not give up. So family I love you with a love that God has planted deep in me and I show it to you in my prayers. Know you are loved by me. But even better, know there is a God that loves you even more than you know. He is reaching out for you today. May you know His love in a new and great way today. Love always, Mary