Letter to my Family and Friends

Its been a long time since I wrote on this particular blog. I have my math blog, but this one is more personal. It is about my journey, my beliefs and my walk with God. So here goes: Dear Friends and Family, I just wanted to tell you how much I love and care about you. My personality and inherent shyness does not allow me to often show you that side. Not unless you have cracked down my outer shell of shyness will you see this part of me. Most people don't realize how awkward I feel in new social situations. I'm great with naturally outgoing people because they can carry the bulk of steering the conversation, asking questions etc... But me I struggle with that stuff. I would love to get to know my aunts, uncles, cousins better but living far away I have little opportunity to interact with them. I am not one to call people, I never have been. I remember a friend in high school telling me that people thought I was stuck-up because I did not say hi to them in the hallway. Which was funny because if I was walking down the hall with a friend I usually assumed people were saying hi to them and not me. Now my self esteem is not low as it was in high school, but there was also a shyness that drove me which is still part of who I am. I don't know what to talk about with people I barely know. I even have trouble on Twitter when people respond to me. Until I feel really comfortable with someone I don't know how to talk to them comfortably. It's okay. I am at peace with myself about this, so please don't respond with fixes. For me the fix was realizing how I felt. So to my extended family somethings I would like to share with you: I pray for you all the time. I pray that you will encounter a close relationship with Jesus and know him personally. There was a song my brother sang at my wedding called "I wish you Jesus" and it is really my heart. It says: when I wish you Jesus, I wish you everything. And that is so true. I was always a kid that wanted to go to church. When my parents were away I made my sister bring me to church even if she was not going to go in with me. I always talked with God naturally. There was just something inside of me that loved God. But it was not until I was 19 years old did I encounter God in a real way. Back then my brother knew the Lord in a personal way. He was always trying to talk to me about God but I wouldn't listen. No he didn't go to church like I did when we were younger, and he was much wilder than I'd ever been. Who was he to talk to me about God? (or so I thought.) But he invited me to a bible study group at his home. I went and really enjoyed it. When my brother Mike taught about Jesus I sow something different in him. I wanted what he had. Kathy and Mike explained the difference of knowing about God and knowing God. That God wanted to have a relationship with me. So right there in their living room I turned my life over to Jesus. I was born-again. My life changed at that moment. I have never been the same since. This encounter with God changed me. For a few years I went through some extremes, going to churches seeking God, to drinking and partying too much. I did a lot of things in those years I regret to this day. I hurt others and scarred my own heart deeply. But God....but God...those are my favorite words but God was not done with me. Every person has heartaches, joys, grief, laughter, pain, blessings in their life. But God has used every one of those situations in my life to change me, to heal me to bring me to who I am today. Being alone in many situations has made me learn to hold onto God. It has made me go deep to find what I believe. But not everyone has to go that route. I see that many of my family members are really close to each other. They have each other to lean on. That is great. But God would love for you all to lean into Him together. He doesn't need our money or our possessions. He just wants us. If you splash a little love in God's direction you will encounter a flood of His love in yours. God has written this family on my heart. He has asked me to pray and not give up. So family I love you with a love that God has planted deep in me and I show it to you in my prayers. Know you are loved by me. But even better, know there is a God that loves you even more than you know. He is reaching out for you today. May you know His love in a new and great way today. Love always, Mary