Looking forward.

There are so many things I think about that I want to blog about as I am driving down the road, and then I finally get a chance to sit down and type, and I am not sure what to say. So much is changing and challenging me. I went to a baby shower today for my friend Kathryn, she is expecting her first. As I approach the bid 5-0 in April do I wish I could go back again to when I was in her shoes? Yes.. and no. Mostly no. I loved raising my children, they are my joy. I would love to cuddle my babies again and view their firsts again. Maybe treasure the things I was too tired to enjoy, but those were tough days with Don and me. Oh how stressful my life was. I also suffered greatly with depression for most of my life. Now that I have been healed I would not choose to live it again.
Getting older has some advantages. There is an inner peace I have that comes from walking with Jesus through all my troubles. I have found God to always be faithful. In fact as I was driving to work yesterday that was the conversation I had with God. I was thanking Him that He has always been faithful. All the times in my life that I felt so alone, and isolated He was always with me.Those nights I cried myself to sleep I could just pour my heart out to Him and He poured His love into me. There is nothing like being loved by God. Or should I say there is nothing like knowing God, because he loves each of us, but without that relationship with Him you don't know His love. Yes there were times that I wished He would manifest Himself in the flesh to me so I could place my head on His shoulder and hear His words to me. But He chose instead to whisper His words into my heart. He gave me strength to go another day and lead me down the road to get to where I am today.  Have I arrived? Not even close. But I do have a deep trust of God that has come only from going through all the trials that I have lived through and seeing him always faithful. To know God's love, is to truly know love.
Sometimes I feel like my life has gotten too busy for me and God. I love teaching, when I connect with my students I feel I have a reason to be there. But overall teaching has taken over my life. I spend so many hours in the process of planning, grading papers, organizing materials that there is little time left fro anything else. I used to be a creative person, I wrote the children's Christmas plays at my church for year. But that was before teaching. Starting with Pampered Chef has breathed new life into me and I am hoping that it will bring back my creativity. My first show tomorrow may not have many people come to it (as of now I only know of one). But I really think this a path God is leading me down, at least I hope so. I have decided I want to do something different with my tithe from this job. I have two missionaries that I am thinking of supporting. In the past I supported Jeremy and Angie Perigo but this year I did not send in my support card. Mainly because the support for them is supposed to be above your tithe and I was not able to do that last year, I made it part of my tithe. The other person is Jon Swenson. I don't know what it is about him but he draws my attention, and I would like to support him too. I think it will be cool to just split this tithe between them, which in a different way is over and above my regular tithe. In a wierd way I think that my new consultant job will give me more time with family and friends in the long run. For this "season" I may be overly busy, but if I do well, I can stop tutoring, and working study hall, and summer school.  Doing that could breathe a little more life back into teaching again too. But calling people and setting up parties, and then doing the parties is going to help me to connect with adults again. Hopefully I will make some friends along the way. As for today, I am choosing to no longer look back with regrets, rather I look forward to the new adventures ahead. I am going to work this job the best I am able and leave the rest in my Savior's hands.

ps: Here is a Youtube video of the one of my favorite worship songs. Hope it touches your heart like it does mine.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrZi8hK_XAo