Its a new year 2020.

    So I started this blog years ago and named it Mary...finding me. At that time I knew it was really my faith journey I wanted to talk about. I have not been a great blogger as I have not written in years. But I decided to try again. But I am not going to post this on my social media so I am guessing no one may read this but me...but honestly that is OK. I will say if by chance you have come upon this blog it must be by providence.

    So anyways I am a Christian. I gave my life to Jesus when I was in college in the fall of 1981. Its a funny sad story because I was a good person. I went to church and my brother was trying to tell me about God. My reaction to him was "Mike I always go to church and you never do, so who are you to tell me about God?"  But many months later, maybe even years I was at a bible study in his house and I saw Jesus in him. I didn't know that at the time but I wanted what he had. So I prayed and asked Jesus into my life. The sad part of this is years later my brother lost his faith and no longer believes in God.  God used my brother to forever change my life. I pray He will also use me to pay it forward and also back to my brother. Other than praying for him, I don't really have a relationship with my brother but things may change one day.
     When I got saved my life changed. I don't want to go through my up and down journey right now, though I am sure parts will come up at some point. Just know I did not change over night. In fact some of my lowest times came in the early years after I was saved. I was going back and forth between two worlds. I wanted to be godly but I did not feel like I deserved the blessing God had for me in the way of forgiveness. I did a lot of things that I am ashamed of , and hurt myself and others in the process.  I was a young hurting young girl that was often punishing herself for reasons I am not always clear. Man I wish I could go back to my young self and let her know that nobody really deserves the grace and forgiveness that we get through faith in Jesus, but it is God's good pleasure to give it to us. He loves us unconditionally. Not a word we truly understand because as humans there is very little we do that is fully unconditional. We try but often like it or not we have underlying conditions.
  OK so its true confession time. Do you have something about yourself you really don't like? I am guessing most people do. I am not talking about big thighs or frizzy hair I mean YOU, who you are. I have struggled most of my adult life with an ugly mean side of myself. I can have a nasty tone and speak with irritability. I can raise my voice.  I do it as a wife, as a mom, as a teacher. I don't like it but no matter how much I try I just can't seem to lose it. I know its an issue of heart which makes it feel worse to me. I remember when God first started dealing with me about this....oh it had to be a long time ago maybe the late 90's...maybe even earlier.  I read a verse in my quiet time. Jesus is explaining a parable to his disciples in Matthew 15 verse 17-18 "Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heard and these defile them." Again in Luke 6:45 "A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."  What?!?  That's not true I argued. I'm not an evil person. I'm just tired and it is true when I am very tired my filter is down. But what did I need a filter from? As my mean harsh speech popped up  again and again God continued to remind me of that scripture. I still fought it for a while maybe even years. But eventually I saw it. I had an unkind harsh thing in me and those words stemmed from my heart. MY HEART.  But I have Jesus in my heart how is there still nastiness there too? But there was, is. It did take me years to accept it but finally I did. You can't get healing for something you cannot admit is wrong. So now I knew this harshness in me stemmed from sin in my heart I can fix it right? Everything in that last sentence is so wrong. See I kept trying to be better and I can be better for a while as long as I eat right and don't get too tired I can be "nice". But the monster in me kept and keeps coming out.  See I'm a teacher and I find I myself speaking harshly with students at times. I'm not talking about me calling students names or anything like that, its just an attitude I can have. I would get frustrated with a kid always being off task,or the kid is just downright rude and disruptive and I could not take it anymore. But honestly I can find myself using a frustrated tone even with students that I absolutely love. This happened last week in class when I was detoxing from sugar. I was so irritable I could not stand myself.  So in my prayer closet I cried out to God. Its not the first time and it will not be the last. I have been struggling with this for years. Thankfully this cold mean root comes out less and less every year. Maybe it would be gone already if I accepted that my heart did have evil in it back when God first convicted me. But my heavenly Father is so patient with me. He doesn't judge me or get tired with me. He just loves me. And that is what I am asking God to now help me to do to others. As I spend more time with God I find he transforms me little by little. As He loves me unconditionally I am healed inside more and more. Being loved by God ...really loved changes you. So I go to my prayer closet and I ask Him to make me more like him. I lift up the students that trouble me and ask him to help me love them. When I have a bad day I run to my Father and repent. I tell Him how I failed again and ask him to free me from selfish, angry and defensive speech. I daily ask God to set a guard over my lips that I might not sin against Him. I want a gentle spirit. I no longer want to be a "yeller". I no longer want to use any harsh tones because the bible says "a gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh answer stirs up anger."  I don't want to stir up anger I want to turn the wrath away.  I am praying this is the year God weeds out that evil that has taken root in my heart and replaces it with a gentle and kind spirit. So I plan to share my journey with you should you choose to come along with me. I want to share the ups and downs of my life of faith. Lets see what God can do with the likes of a sinner like me.

Life's a Matter of Perspective.

I bought a pair of jean capris recently. I have to confess that I feel absolutely adorable when I wear them. I put them on and just know that I look super cute. My husband agrees. Now I know when people see me wearing my capris they don't stop and say wow that woman looks really cute. In fact most strangers might be more apt to notice my weight and size. This when I always chuckle to myself and say life is a matter of perspective. With age comes wisdom. Let me go onto explain...
It's 1988 and I have just had my first child, Sarah Elizabeth. I was made to be a mommy. I loved every moment, and I still do. Before I had Sarah I was about 30 pounds overweight. Now about six months after I had Sarah I was about 70 pounds over weight. I was so overwhelmed with that number. I remember thinking it will take me forever to get the weight off. I didn't know where to even begin at that time. For years I struggled fighting to lose weight but the scale only increased every year. (Will share more on that journey in future blogs)
Twenty-six years ago I was overwhelmed at having to lose 70 pounds, at times I was ashamed of how I looked. I lacked confidence. My heart hurts today for the woman I was back then. She had a tough life in many many ways; I want to hug her and tell her God is going to do wonderful things in her life. But back to today. Right now I still have a lot of weight to lose. Truth be told its more than twice what overwhelmed me in the eighties. So whats the point of this blog you ask? See I may have a lot of weight to lose but I have also lost quite a bit in the last few months. I am fitting into sizes that I have not fit into in years. When I was growing into those sizes I hated them...now I'm dropping down to those sizes I feel good. Life really is a matter of perspective
Hope the next time something is troubling you, you will stop and remember this. No matter how bad something might seem eventually you will have to deal with it. The feeling of dealing with an issue is the best perspective there is. Its a great feeling.
Blessings,
~Mary



p.s. For those of you who are at that overwhelmed life is too tough state right now. I do not want to make light of your pain. Believe me I have been there. I would never had made it without the hope that Jesus gives me on a daily basis. Jesus can give you the comfort and strength you need. I pray that God will reach down into your situation right now and open your eyes to ways to seeing things from His perspective.

God has not forgotten.

Last night at church my pastor, Dan Backens, was teaching on worship using the first chapter of Revelation. Revelation is first and foremost a revealing of Christ to us. When Jesus is revealed the prime reaction is worship. Look throughout revelation and its true. Its all about people who see Jesus for who he is just falling in worship. So do I every time I think of Jesus just want to fall down and worship? Often, yes. But always? No. Not because of who He is but because of where I am. When I am knee deep in my problems thinking about and being over whelmed by my responsibilities at home and especially my job I forget who Jesus really is, I don't look at the revealed Jesus I see only a small god and LARGE problems. Am I the only one out there that feels this at times? I don't think so. So back to service last night; Pastor Dan was sharing about John being on the Island of Patmos. An Island that mainly had criminals on it and few Roman guards. Though John was imprisoned/exiled to Patmos he did not allow it to hold him down. He knew God and he worshiped. The word says" I, John, your brother and companion in the suffering and kingdom and patient endurance that are ours in Jesus, was on the island of Patmos because of the word of God and the testimony of Jesus. On the Lord's Day I was in the Spirit..." (Revelation 1:9-10 NIV) John was worshiping God and was in the Spirit: meaning he was in God's presence. You see the world said to John, you are done. Your ministry is done. You are going to die here on this Island. But God is not the world. God has the final word and in this exiled state that John was in God came and revealed himself to John. God knew this was not the end of John's ministry. God saw John on this exiled Island and revealed Himself to John. The only description we have of Jesus is this one in Revelation. (I had never ever thought about that before, but think about it; the gospels do not describe Jesus at all. We are only meant to see Jesus in His glorified state.) John continues and says that when he saw Jesus he fell down as though dead, but "Then He placed His right hand on me and said, 'Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I and the Living One. I was dead and now look, I am alive for ever and ever!..'" (Revelation 1:18 NIV) Not only did Jesus reveal Himself to John, He touched him. There were many other points in this teaching last night but this is what I moved me. Whatever my Patmos is Jesus knows. He showed up where John was and He will do the same for me and for you. How do I know? Because God touched me last night so much so I cannot write about this without tears of worship. I wasn't thinking I even had Patmos type issues and then God touched me. He did. Its like as I was sitting in my seat trying to pay attention to the sermon then I had God's hand on my shoulder telling me He has not forgotten me. He will fulfill His promises to me. When Jesus looks at me with His flames of fire He knows all my thoughts both good and bad. He also knows all my dreams and hopes. He does not look away from me but he holds my gaze and says He will bring the things into fruition that He has placed on my heart. In August God gave me a promise. A promise that seems impossible to me at times. I have been praying for a few things for many, many years. God knows the cry of my heart. He has seen my tears. So this August there was an evangelist at church and he was praying over people for healing. I had recently fallen on my left knee and hurt it and it was not getting better, and my right knee had been weak for many years. Going up stairs was always difficult for me and I usually did it one stair at a time using my left knee. But now with that one injured I was having a really tough time going upstairs. The doctor diagnosed me with arthritis in my knee. So I was in line to get healing in my knee. But God had something greater in mind. As I was standing in line watching the evangelist pray God put in me a faith to believe. The evangelist spent a lot of time with each person. I really enjoyed watching him minster to each person, really talking with them. I think he not only ministered to the thing that needed healing he was ministering to their hearts too. So after a few hours it was my time for prayer. And as he prayed for me he removed his microphone and took me to the side and whispered something that God shared with him about me. He let me know that God had a greater healing in mind for me and that he was going to heal my knees that evening so I would have the faith to believe for this other thing that will happen in the next year or so. Then he put his microphone back on and prayed for my knees. The knees I could not go up and down stairs with, without heavily using the hand rail were now healed. I went up and down the stairs in the sanctuary with no pain. I showed the Pastor the next week during Friday morning prayer. I sent videos of myself going up and down the stairs to my daughters, because they would know what a miracle this was. I was excited to believe for the rest of my miracle. But life has a way of beating us down at times and lately when I was think of the rest of my miracle to come I have downsized it. Made it more doable in my head. But that is not what God promised. His promise to me was BIG! His promise to me was LIFE CHANGING! But I got my eyes off of Jesus and onto my life and problems and forgot that He has the final say. I forgot that God knows my Patmos but he reminds me He will have the final say. God's promises to me are yea and Amen. He is going to transform me the way He promised me. God sees me. The God of the universe sees me and has taken the time to touch me where I was last night in service to remind me that He has not forgotten His promises to me. And so I fall down and worship my God and my Savior. Not because of this promise but because of His great love for me. You see we all have areas that we feel abandoned and alone in. We all have a Patmos. But we need to stop making our problems greater than God. We need to be like John and don't allow the circumstance to have the final say. Worship God, seek Jesus. God has not forgotten you, He is reaching out to you right now.

Letter to my Family and Friends

Its been a long time since I wrote on this particular blog. I have my math blog, but this one is more personal. It is about my journey, my beliefs and my walk with God. So here goes: Dear Friends and Family, I just wanted to tell you how much I love and care about you. My personality and inherent shyness does not allow me to often show you that side. Not unless you have cracked down my outer shell of shyness will you see this part of me. Most people don't realize how awkward I feel in new social situations. I'm great with naturally outgoing people because they can carry the bulk of steering the conversation, asking questions etc... But me I struggle with that stuff. I would love to get to know my aunts, uncles, cousins better but living far away I have little opportunity to interact with them. I am not one to call people, I never have been. I remember a friend in high school telling me that people thought I was stuck-up because I did not say hi to them in the hallway. Which was funny because if I was walking down the hall with a friend I usually assumed people were saying hi to them and not me. Now my self esteem is not low as it was in high school, but there was also a shyness that drove me which is still part of who I am. I don't know what to talk about with people I barely know. I even have trouble on Twitter when people respond to me. Until I feel really comfortable with someone I don't know how to talk to them comfortably. It's okay. I am at peace with myself about this, so please don't respond with fixes. For me the fix was realizing how I felt. So to my extended family somethings I would like to share with you: I pray for you all the time. I pray that you will encounter a close relationship with Jesus and know him personally. There was a song my brother sang at my wedding called "I wish you Jesus" and it is really my heart. It says: when I wish you Jesus, I wish you everything. And that is so true. I was always a kid that wanted to go to church. When my parents were away I made my sister bring me to church even if she was not going to go in with me. I always talked with God naturally. There was just something inside of me that loved God. But it was not until I was 19 years old did I encounter God in a real way. Back then my brother knew the Lord in a personal way. He was always trying to talk to me about God but I wouldn't listen. No he didn't go to church like I did when we were younger, and he was much wilder than I'd ever been. Who was he to talk to me about God? (or so I thought.) But he invited me to a bible study group at his home. I went and really enjoyed it. When my brother Mike taught about Jesus I sow something different in him. I wanted what he had. Kathy and Mike explained the difference of knowing about God and knowing God. That God wanted to have a relationship with me. So right there in their living room I turned my life over to Jesus. I was born-again. My life changed at that moment. I have never been the same since. This encounter with God changed me. For a few years I went through some extremes, going to churches seeking God, to drinking and partying too much. I did a lot of things in those years I regret to this day. I hurt others and scarred my own heart deeply. But God....but God...those are my favorite words but God was not done with me. Every person has heartaches, joys, grief, laughter, pain, blessings in their life. But God has used every one of those situations in my life to change me, to heal me to bring me to who I am today. Being alone in many situations has made me learn to hold onto God. It has made me go deep to find what I believe. But not everyone has to go that route. I see that many of my family members are really close to each other. They have each other to lean on. That is great. But God would love for you all to lean into Him together. He doesn't need our money or our possessions. He just wants us. If you splash a little love in God's direction you will encounter a flood of His love in yours. God has written this family on my heart. He has asked me to pray and not give up. So family I love you with a love that God has planted deep in me and I show it to you in my prayers. Know you are loved by me. But even better, know there is a God that loves you even more than you know. He is reaching out for you today. May you know His love in a new and great way today. Love always, Mary

A Milestone and a Call

It has been a long time since I have taken the time to post. Although no one may ever read this I still want to take the time to share my journey.
   Today I finished reading the bible through its entirety for the first time in my life. Although I have read most of the books before there were some that I had never read. It took me a year and a half to accomplish this. This endeavor has changed me. In the beginning I read sporadically and had to change the settings often in my bible app to catch me up so it would adjust my readings back to where I really was. This went on for quite a while. As an aside I love the bible app on my phone. In some of the more difficult books to read I would have it read to me as I read along, or even as I was putting make-up on in the morning. Hearing all the names I usually skipped over in my reading was meaningful to me. OK, back on track. As I kept trying to read and listen to the bible my very dry spirit began to revive a bit. I noticed I was thinking about what I read or heard that day. The more I started reading the more I wanted to read. Instead of ending my night reading a fiction book, I would end with reading some verses from my bible. (I still read fiction etc... but I would make the last thing I read God's word.)  I read and listened to the bible in the morning as I got up and readied myself for the day.Little by little I have seen and felt a transformation over the last year and a half...hmmm maybe its closer to two years...?  Anyway I have always known reading the word of God is important. I knew that when I did it I had more joy, was more alive spiritually. But consistency is something that often lacks in my life. I have my up and down walks with God. But I have grown tired of wishing and hoping to be the Christian I want to be "someday". I am over fifty years old and who knows how much time I have left. I don't want to meet my Savior face to face and know I spent more time reading on Facebook than I did in His word. That I spent more time watching TV than I did spending time with Him who loves me more than I can imagine. When people in my life group or church have said they long for the day of Christ's return I did not. I did not want Jesus to come because I knew I had not been living for him as I should. The "should" feeling was not guilt from God it was more a craving from the depths of my being that knew I was created for more than the way I was living. God loves me. He does not say I will love you more if.... No God loves me, period. I wanted more.
I went to a  IHOP (International House of Prayer) conference at in August. Saturday afternoon the speaker Wes Martin said something that has really finally transformed my thinking. I am a very self aware person. I can tell you everything I do wrong. I know where I am failing in my walk with God. Years ago I would feel guilt but as I grew spiritually  I realized God was not mad at me but rather He was grieved with my sin, wanting more for me than how I was living. So when I failed again, like saying something mean out of anger, I felt shame and knew I had hurt God. I would just have that feeling like failed again...know what I mean? So at the IHOP comference Wes Martin gave me another take on the situation. He reminded me that God knows the beginning from the end. He is not surprised when I sin. He is not up there going, "Oh boy I thought Mary was better than this, but no she failed that test again." I am not shocking God.(All those years of wasted guilt and shame.)  Wes said its more like God is on the sidelines rooting for us. He's out there shouting "You can do it Mary, you and can do it. Don't give up, you can do it!!"  God knows we will sin and fail. When we do He wants us to go to Him for forgiveness and start again. The quicker we seek Him out the quicker we are back on the right track. Now when I fail (and sometimes before I make the wrong choice) I hear God yelling lovingly, "You can do it Mary, you can do it. I believe in you. I will help you. You will make it through, you can do it." And you know what? I will because He is on my side. He is my strength and my life.
I knew when I started on this blog that I was really seeking to revive the depths of my relationship with Jesus. Jesus has always been everything to me. Always. The difference is now I am starting to actually live that way. I am excited about reading the bible through again. I know it is not going to take me over a year and a half this time. But even if it does, if I lose my focus again. I know God will be calling me with His words of hope and encouragement.
     He is calling out to you too. If you feel like you have failed too much, that God could not love or want you well guess what? Your failures do not shock God either. He is not surprised. But he is out there calling your name. He wants to love on you. Will you answer His call?



(** I know God has a word for someone: You are reading this and not sure that this is for you, but you miss God. You know who you are.You want more than what you are experiencing. God is saying that this message is true for you too. Its time to unplug. You have choices to make. Time with Him means less time online. When you unplug from your distractions His voice will increase and you will find what you are seeking.)

Reflections on a year at Work

      So many things have happened this year I am not sure what to write about. My journey has been tough but one that has helped me grow. Last year I experienced one of the worst school years I have ever had. My students overall were good, but there were a few totally abusive parents that made my life miserable, and totally took the joy out of teaching their children. Mostly I think it is sad that too many parents care about the grade and less about the learning. I want my students to be life long learners. I want them to not just regurgitate the information I give them and spit it out, I want them to really understand it and be able to use it in "life" situations. Challenging students is a good thing. I will not apologize for it. But the most abusive parents have only yelled about a grade. My child is an A student they are traumatized by your B. LOL like I just arbitrarily assign grades. How is it my B. C'mon parents lets get real. Children earn their grades. What is really sad...if given the choice of having an A with a teacher that really did not teach much, or getting a B with a teacher that truly challenged your child to think deeper, and learn more, I think most parents would choose the given A. Not that they are mutually exclusive, as many of my students get A's...I just don't give them away, silly me I expect my students to earn them.  I really did not want to teach anymore after last year, I was so beat up. But that got me on a journey for help. And boy did I find help! I found help from the doctor and was diagnosed with ADD. The medicine, though not a miracle worker, has helped me a lot this year. In many ways it has worked in me like an anti-depressant. Which seems weird to me as I have taken anti-depressants before and they didn't work. Seems like I wasn't depressed just had ADD so now that cloudiness I always had in my brain is gone. Praise God. Thank you Pastor Tina for suggesting I talk to my doctor about this. I also found help in the wonderful world of Pinterest.
        On Pinterest a teacher I know pinned some nice foldables, which led me to a blog, which led me to twitter and the math world that I once knew exploded into an amazing universe. I have discovered a world of math teachers out there that want to challenge their students to think deeper, explore math and love learning. I am not even in their league a little bit. But I love learning from them and taking a snippet of what they do into my classroom. Inquiry based learning is truly the way to go, I know it. But I am not sure how to do it with the pacing guide and class minutes that I am allotted.  But I can slip in an activity here an there and hope somewhere I will learn to do more discovery activities with my students. You know instead of telling them the principles letting them discover them. Then after they have discovered them give them the notes with the rules etc... Its amazing what the blogging world includes.  Middle School math teachers across the nation are challenging themselves to improve their teaching and sharing it with the world. I am quite thankful because they are improving my teaching as well. I am trying to be more reflective and learn what I can do better.
Also on Pinterest I have found teachers that create wonderful learning environments for their students and because of them my classroom is a much more beautiful place. Pinterest has sparked my creativity again, which seemed to leave me once I got overwhelmed teaching. But my year of changes does not end there.
     Last year I also became a Pampered Chef consultant. This has been a challenging, fun, hard, disappointing, depressing, enjoyable, struggle. What?!  Yea all of the above. Challenging because I have to ask people to have parties. I am not very outgoing and I really have little real friends so this was really hard for me. I got a few parties to start and was able to build off of them and I was doing really well. Then the end of the school year came and I was beaten and broken and I just took the summer off from life. And... the momentum I had gotten started with stopped! So come August I started up again and had a party with a friend which went fairly well, but I got no bookings. But honestly I was still a little wishy washy on whether I wanted to stick with it. I mean I LOVE the products. I really do. It has been so nice having quality products in my kitchen after being married for 28 years. But when I approach people about hosting parties and they don't want to it is hard for someone that already struggles with connecting with people to get that rejection. There is a Pampered Chef director in the area and I follow her on Facebook. Tiffany  is just so encouraging and she inspired me to stick with it. Now you may say...well she has to be as she benefits from the people under her. But that's just it, I am not on her team, she gets no benefit from encouraging me. I am very thankful for her, as she is the reason I have stuck it out. She may never know how much I have learned from her but I pray God keeps blessing her business as she really deserves it. She has so many great ideas, and has also led me to other Facebook pages for consultants which has given me so many great ideas I just need to book some parties so I can use them.  I love the products, and I love doing the parties. But with the fun comes some disappointments. I finally got a party booked for December my only one. I was so hoping to build off of that, but no one showed up. LOL you gotta laugh ya know? I spent so much time preparing etc... as it had been awhile since I had a real show. But that is part of this. At the same time my daughter Sarah joined Pampered Chef as a consultant and she has been rocking the sales!! Way to go Sarah! Yes I am a proud mama. Sarah is much more outgoing than I am and at the stage of life with little ones, so she has lots of mommy friends from which to build connections. I am very happy this is blessing her, as it is helpful for her and her husband to have the extra income.
         OK back to my party of one:) On the way home from the party I still felt God's peace. I feel God is telling me to stick it out and things will work out. See Don and I really need this extra income. It is not a want. We are not making all ends meet. We desperately need another car but cannot afford a payment nor do we have money that we are saving for it. He works in a ministry, I'm a teacher so neither of us get raises very often...if ever. So I need Pampered Chef to work out. I love the company, they really support their consultants. They have many opportunities to earn free things so we do not have to sink our money back into the business. Something worth having is worth working for.  Calling potential customers is scary to me. I have an awkwardness when I talk with people, I don't always know what to say so its a fight to do it. I think my biggest struggle this year has been through Facebook. I have tried putting the call out forbook some Facebook parties but I get no takers. Crickets!! That has been hard for me. It is really hard sometime to not take it all personally...you know like nobody really likes me. That's how it "feels" some days, but it doesn't. I know people like me. I know colleagues at work like to work with me and respect my teaching. So its weird that I feel accepted and rejected all at the same time. Pampered Chef I guess makes me face that most of my connections are more superficial. I don't have the close lets get together and share our lives friends. Its something I have recognized for years but don't really know how to get past.By nature I am shy and a little awkward socially; I have struggled with this my whole life. Being a Consultant pushes me to meet people. I love to help people and I need to use that to build my clientele.  I want to help people to eat healthier, find quicker ways of making family meals at home, to find the products that fit their needs. I also know when someone hosts a party they can really get so many items free it really is a blessing to them. Especially if they could otherwise not afford to buy them. Knowing this hopefully will help me reach out to others and share about my business.
      So right now I am a  teacher studying other teachers, learning how to improve my lessons, and hopefully inspire a love of learning and math in my students. I am Pampered Chef Consultant pushing myself outside my comfort zone. I love that it challenges me and I think I will be a better person for it.
 Next time: Family reflections.
 

This is my life in 1028 Words

Well it has been a long while since I have written mainly because I forgot my password and I did not want to change it again! Yes it seems I can never remember the password to my google account. Lol. But I bit the bullet and changed it today. I have a lot to share with you about my journey today. Life has its typical ups and downs. So let me share what is going on in my life.
    As you all know I started to take medicine for ADHD. Although part of me is still in denial about the need for it, I cannot discount how it has helped me. I mentioned to my doctor that it almost feels like an anti-depressant when I take it. More like a happy pill :) I also mentioned that in different times of my life I have taken anti-depressants and they did not really do anything for me. Weird huh? She said that the depressive feeling can actually be a symptom of ADHD. Which makes me think if I had known this earlier in many ways my life might have been different. Oh well I can't do anything about it now except enjoy the changes that this makes in me. On the plus side teaching is going very well and a lot of the anxiety I had last year is gone. I guess the medicine is helping all those areas in my life. I had to reduce the dosage as I was not able to sleep and my heart was just beating so fast on it. The only bummer is that on the higher dose I was super organized Mary. Something that anyone that knows me knows I am not. All those papers and items I always leave out when cleaning, I knew immediately where they should go etc... It was amazing. On the lower dosage I am better at lesson planning than I had been but not as great as the "super me" on the higher dose. The price to be paid I guess for the ability to sleep. 
  Moving on to my spiritual life. Well walking with God is always a journey and I know I will never be where I want to be in that journey. But I really need to keep working on this area. I am trying to read my bible before going on Facebook or Twitter. A great idea that I do not always remember to do. But I am working at it. I need to be in the word of God because it is life to me. So I will keep at it until it is a habit again.
   As an update on Hannah she is doing amazingly well on her DTS. She is in the Philippines right now on a medical mission outreach. She is so passionate for God, I  am proud of her. I tried to instill that passion in my children when they were growing up and I love seeing it manifest itself in different ways in both Hannah and Sarah. Someday I know I will see God's passion in Kevin too. Having this time alone has been good for Don and me. But I am ready for my baby to be home. This time next month she will be home sleeping in her bed, recovering from all her traveling.
  My last update is about Pampered Chef. As you know I started in the Spring and got a great start. But in the busyness of SOL testing and having had a very stressful school year I took the summer off. I started again in August. Although it has been a little slow going I love doing it. I think part of my calling in this is to help busy moms find a way to make an easy budget friendly meal. So many people eat out so often today, people can save money, and eat healthier when they cook at home. My biggest struggle is connecting with people to have parties. At the parties I think I do connect with the people although I am obviously new so I can certainly improve. But socially I am a little awkward. See by nature I am much more of an introvert. I was listening to someone on the radio the other day he was explaining how he could be an introvert and a radio personality. He talked about his awkwardness socially, especially in making small talk. I thought, hey that is me! Outgoing people cannot understand the anxiety I feel socially. I have had to teach myself to just say hi to other teachers in the hallway instead of just looking down, or busy. Most people I connect well with are outgoing so they carry a lot of the social aspect. Doing Pampered Chef is pushing me to get out of my comfort zone.  The cool thing is I can do parties in person and also online on things like Facebook. Its funny though, Sarah just signed up and she has gotten a lot of Facebook parties, but I am struggling getting takers even though I do all the work and the Host gets a lot of free products and discounted items. I guess its the age of our friends. The younger generation grew up with Facebook. While many of my friends and family use Facebook a lot I guess online shopping is still not their first choice. Anyway I have to admit I was a little wishy-washy about selling PC initially. But as I look at my budget and see the need for more income is just growing I have really poured myself into the business. I really want to be successful in this. Teaching is what I do during the day, and I love it, but Pampered Chef really meets a need in me to meet more people. I am hoping it will help me connect with more people and make some friends down here. The benefit of it helping us to meet our financial needs is also a great blessing. Anyway that is my life right now. Let me know how things are going with you and thanks for visiting.